What Do I Do Now?

July 23, 2019

The year is 2010. I am a hot-mess 13 year old taking 8th grade algebra. I to this day cannot properly process equations that entail both numbers and letters. I just can’t. “Okay, what do I do now?” If you ever offer to help me with math (which don’t worry, you won’t have to, bc ya girl will never take on a task that requires anything passed basic math again), be prepared to walk me through every single step, because I really don’t know what comes next. Likewise, if you ever offer to help me figure out my life (don’t all volunteer at once), know that I’m gonna need you to break it all the way down. 

Its been over a month since I graduated with what feels like a useless degree, and now I am trying to figure out what comes next. I’ve officially put teaching on hold, and realize that I need to explore my options. If I could just up and change my mind about something I poured so much time, energy, and money into, it might not have been my dream after all. I don’t know. I honestly don’t even know if teaching was ever actually my dream, or if it was something I found to be safe and comfortable. With that being said, I have come to accept that I STILL have no idea what I am doing with my life.

I’m doing well though. I still have a good job. I’m financially stable. I’ve got a friggin’ degree! Regardless of whether I “use” it or not, I still achieved something not everyone does. And hey, I actually learned some quality life skills in the process .

I keep trying to blame my distorted idea of success on society. Yes, society has played it’s part, but I put those expectations on myself. I convinced myself that I was a failure, because I hadn’t achieved the goals no one even expected of me.

So what do I do now? I don’t know. Luckily for me, I don’t have to know. I’ve got time. I’ve got some wiggle room. I get to figure it out.

During my college graduation ceremony, I sat next to someone who had just gone to her 10 year high school reunion. Homegirl was 28, and for some reason felt the need to explain to us why she was just now getting her first degree. Girl, there is no such thing as on time in college, and I wish people would stop saying that. Sure, there’s an ideal timeline, but if you know anything about college, you know that there is nothing ideal about it. Life happens, and it happens to all of us. The good, the bad, the ugly, they have no timeline. They hit us all differently, and so we all react differently. Different isn’t wrong. Longer isn’t late. Lack isn’t failure.

Now that I’ve gotten over my overdrawn, over dramatic pity party, I’m excited to find out what I’ll do next. Maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll pick up where I left off with teaching, or maybe I’ll go into a completely different field of work. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, but I do know how I will do it. brave. open minded. expectant.

Share your opinion:

  1. Figuring out what you DON'T want to do is just as important as what you DO want to do. Every time we learn we don't want or like something, it is one step closer to finding something that lights you up inside. Best of luck!

  2. I think we all experience times in our lives when we have no clue what we should do next, when we don't follow the path that someone else might, and that's okay. We have to do this thing called life at our own pace and make our own rules.

  3. It seems to be a lifelong journey on figuring it all out. Teaching is such a difficult field anymore that I can see why you are hesitating going that direction. You will find your way soon though!

  4. No rush to figure things out! I graduated a long time ago and still have not much figured out. I never thought I'd be living this freelance life and making it work when I was fresh out of school. Take your time- it'll come.

  5. I've never been good at math so I can totally relate to this. Since growing up I've got slightly better at it but still wouldn't pass an exam if I were to take one. Eek!

    Louise x