The Truth About My Relationship With Fear

April 4, 2018



A couple of months ago, I was asked an initially very weird question by the mother of a teenager. “Do your friends call you mean names?” What? Ummm, no. She was talking about a group of friends that her daughter wanted to hangout with. They weren’t always the nicest, but for some reason, she still wanted to be in their circle. They were her friends, and they were her people.

That drive home had me all kinds of messed up. That question was burned in my head. “Do your friends call you mean names?” Destinee, why are you still thinking about this. You are not 13 anymore. You don’t have friends like that. OH YES I DO! His name is fear.

I’ve shared bits and pieces about my struggle with fear, but I’ve left out probably the most important part. The truth about my relationship with fear, is that in many ways, it is my best friend. WAS my best friend. 

Fear moved into my life when I was fairly young, and I carried it with me like a child carries their “blankie”. I learned to cling to fear, allowing it to become my constant and my normal. Eventually, it was all I knew.

You see, fear has a way of controlling you. It seeps into your mind, whispering the most sincere sounding lies into your ear. It shows up in every aspect of your life, and distorts your discernment. Everything was scary. Everything was bad.

I was afraid of not being afraid.

How crazy does that sound?!?! But, it is the only way I can describe the irrational relationship I had with fear. This thing held me captive for so long. To me its lies rang truer than true. I was in too deep. Fear had me, and I accepted that. I allowed it mold and shape me. I gave it complete control over everything that I did. If fear told me not to do it, I wasn’t doing it.  Because thats what friends are for right? They tell what you should and should not do. They walk with you through the toughest seasons of life. And they are always there. FEAR WAS ALWAYS THERE.

You know that saying “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”? Yeah I’m starting to feel like  that is some of the dumbest advice around. What good is it to keep negative around?  Really, how beneficial was it for me to hang tight to Fear?

The moment I realized this, I knew I had to kick fear out. I knew it was time that I look fear in the eye, grab it by the throat, and throw it out of the out of the space he uninvitedly settled in my heart.

I am grateful for that day, and that random question. Fear and I are no longer doing life together, but fear is still very present in my life. Its lies are continuously whispering over me, except this time, truth belts back. I may have fear, but fear doesn’t have me.

This journey is far from over, but I am closer than I’ve ever been before. I still feel fear constantly, but it no longer has a grip on me. I’m calling the shots this time. And when fear decides he wants to square up, he can take that up with my friend Jesus.


I want to challenge you today, to take a look at your life. What currently has a grip on your life? Are you allowing it to? And if so, when are you gonna break it off?

Love Always,

Destinee Nicole

7 comments

  1. This post speak so true to me. Fear is always something that seems to linger. But I've found over time if it's the fear that I might be doing something wild for my dreams, it must mean I am on the right path to keep right on pushing through!

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  2. "You see, fear has a way of controlling you. It seeps into your mind, whispering the most sincere sounding lies into your ear. It shows up in every aspect of your life, and distorts your discernment. Everything was scary. Everything was bad." WOW, ITS LIKE YOU TOOK THE WORDS FROM MY HEART.... I am with you 100% with Jesus we can overcome! thank you for sharing!!

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  3. I hate how fear can creep in at any moment. Just a stray thought will lead you to it. I just try to take back control of my thoughts, but it can be hard!

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  4. Great read! I sometimes feel that way, and it's easy to let it take over you. I try to focus on the positive and always remember what my goals are.

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  5. Sometimes it is really hard to not let the old feelings and insecurities of high school.

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  6. This post was so mind opening and inspirational. It really showed me to not let anything get in my way. Thank you for this.

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  7. It sounds like her question definitely awoke a realization in you. Fear does so much damage to the human psyche and relationships as well. I'm glad you were able to confront it!

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