To the Girl Who Hides Behind a Smile,

I get it. 

I too have had my fair share of days of using my generic grin as an emotional shield. For years I told myself “fake it till you make it”. Because if I tried hard enough, it’d become real right? Not at all, but I so desperately wanted it to. I wanted my smile to be real. I wanted my laugh to be genuine. I so badly wanted my pain to no exist, so I told myself it didn’t.

Except it did. It existed big time. “Get over it.” “Its all in your head.” I repeated these phrases to myself daily with the hopes that the pain would somehow listen, and fade away. It is not all in your head, and you aren’t going to just get over it. But you will get THROUGH it.

If we are being honest, I sometimes find myself back there. Back at the place that convinced me that the only way to not feel pain, was to not feel at all. The place that forced me to believe that my hurt was not real. But then I am reminded of the truth.

Your pain is real. What you feel is not a figment of your imagination. It is not some plea for attention. It is a feeling. A feeling that worth being addressed . A feeling that is totally capable of going away. But not without some work on your part. 

To the girl who hides behind a smile,

You can come out now. Its okay. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “The first step to fixing a problem, is admitting you have one.”  This could not be more true. You have to address your pain. You have to admit that it is there, if you ever want it to go away.

It will be hard. Facing your pain head on is no easy task, but it is the first step in the right direction. It is okay to feel. Your emotions are there for a reason. So cry. Get mad. Let it all out. FEEL. 

But don’t stay there. Don’t allow these emotions to overtake your life, in stead use them to fuel you. Let those painful moments ignite a fight in you. It does get better. I promise. But you have to believe it. I know that is so much easier said than done, but I also know that it is truth. 

Our God loves us far too much to let us stay in the ugly. However, God can’t move until we let him in. For a long time, I didn’t understand what it meant to let God into my heart. How the heck do I do that, and why wont He just go there? Because I kept Him out. I guarded my heart, and clinged to my sadness. I allowed my smile, to convince me that I had it all together,  when inside I was dying. 

Let Him in, and let Him have it. Give it all to Him, the good, bad, and ugly. Remove the mask, and let Him see the pain, He already knows is there. This is job that only HE can do. SO let Him.

“Let God have your life; He can do more with it than you can.” - Dwight L. Moody