October 28, 2016

I’m not gonna lie. I have dreaded today a whole bunch. 20. The big TWO- 0. The exiting of my teens, and entering of my twenties. As exciting as it all is, its just as, if not more, frightening. I can remember being a little girl, and dreaming of being twenty. It seemed like a magical number, like the whole world would be instantly yours once reaching your second decade. I can tell you right now, that those feelings have faded a bit.

I woke up this morning, feeling very indifferent about what today meant. Was I happy? Was I sad? Did I have any feelings at all? I think it was a mixture of all three and then some. I’m happy to be in my twenties. To be growing older, and have more of the world opened up to me. At the same time, I am freaking out. Leaving my teen years means I am really no longer a child. Now I’ve been doing “grown up” things for some time now. I have my own place, I pay my own bills, and I make my own decisions. Still, there is something about this number 20 that has me overwhelmed. Its like a whole new stage of life for me. I’M IN MY TWENTIES!

Fun fact about me: I’m a drama queen. I make a big deal about the smallest of problems, so I am not surprised that I am losing my mind over this. I am surprised at how sad I am though. Everything was good, but as soon as we hit October and I knew that this was the month, I began to almost grieve my childhood. I know that sounds crazy, but that is literally how I feel. It is like I have suffered a loss, and I am now having to cope with it all. This probably goes back to my huge hate for change. My constant need for things to stay the same. Though nothing is changing immediately, they will. I will only get older from here. The responsibilities will only grow, and the adulting will probably get harder. UGH! Why must we have to adult?!?!

I look back at the past 20 years of my life, well really the 14 or so that I actually remember. So much has happened. So much has changed. One thing though, has remained constant. Jesus. For as long as I can remember, I have prayed. I didn’t always understand what that meant, or who I was praying to, but The Lord, without me even realizing it, has always been my constant. He’s been the same, never changing.

I am ultimately so grateful for 20 years of life. Despite the big fit I’m throwing, I am so thankful for the journey the Lord has brought me on. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It has all been so great!  “For you were made, for such a time as this.” I keep hearing these words in my head. Twenty years ago, the Lord brought ME into this world, for such a time as this. We have a purpose and calling. I think that is something so amazing. That we are no accident or mistake, but a purpose.

God has been so good. He IS so good. I am so excited for what He has in store. Whatever that looks like, I’m ready. Even if it means getting old, and having to adult.

"Wisdom is with aged men, With long life is understanding. | Job 12:12

Love Always,

Destinee Nicole

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