Who Do YOU Say That HE Is?

May 29, 2018

Identity: the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.

Who am I? What am I? 

 I’m a twenty-something college girl still trying to figure it all out. My mind changes like the seasons do in Texas, and society doesn’t make that any easier. I’ve found myself in a bit of an identity crisis lately. Okay, so more like a huge identity crisis. I feel lost, stuck, and confused. One year from now, I will graduate from college, and let me tell you, my post-college plans change on the daily. Who am I, and who am I supposed to be.

A couple of days ago, I was driving home, and listening to the song “Who You Say I Am” by Hillsong. If you haven’t heard it, do yourself a favor, and go listen to it. (After reading this blogpost of course.) As I jammed out to this song, I thought about all the things God says that I am. I tried really hard to see traits like “chosen” “not forsaken” in myself. Did I deserve to be called such things? Then this question poured over me. Who do you say that I am?

“What do you mean? You’re Jesus. The Son of God. Alpha and Omega. Beginning and end.” I just started throwing all the spiritual things I could think up. Honestly, I felt attacked. Why was I being challenged with a question that I for sure knew the answer to? Did I not know who the Lord was? I did, but I had forgotten what that meant for me. You see, the question was no so much about Him, but about me. My identity is found in Him.

Who I say that He is, says a lot about who I say that I am, and better yet who He says that I am.

I am strong.
I am worthy.
I am His.
You are strong.
You are worthy.
You are His.

It’s so easy to want to look to the world for approval. Who do they say that I am? Well, did THEY die for you. Did THEY form you in your mother’s womb? Did THEY speak the world into existence?

We have got to stop putting our worth in the hands of people, and look to the one who as already called us “chosen” “not forsaken”. You are a daughter/son of the King, saved by grace, and nothing less. Let’s not forget that. Let’s not forget who we belong to, and what that means for our lives. We are loved beyond measure. Fearfully and wonderfully made. We are His, and we are who He says we are.

Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am

Do it Again . . .

April 27, 2018

“I can’t do this. I’m gonna throw up.” 

I’ve said this more times than I can even count today. We are in the homestretch of the semester, and I am losing my mind. This has been the hardest semester of college yet, and the worst still lies in front of me. I’m tired. Exhausted. Completely burnt out. I don’t know how I’m gonna make it to May 8th. (That’s the day of my last final.)

This semester 4 out of my 5 professors assigned research projects for our finals. But not just any old research paper, two 15, one 16, and one powerpoint slide presentation. WHAT THE THE HECK. I can hardly breathe. 

I wish I knew then, what I knew now. I wish I would have known that FOUR of the classes I signed up for would involve such projects. My chest literally hurts from the anxiety stirred up inside me. How am I going to do this?

“With ME.”

Thanks God.

I wish I could tell you some super spiritual, preachy, feel good feels about how I am handling this, but honestly, I’m a complete mess. I am overwhelmed beyond measure, my reality fogged by deadlines.

But I have this hope. 

While I’ve never been a situation quite like this one, I’ve been in some pretty rough ones. Still here I am. Writing this blogpost about a hope I cannot quite see.

A year ago today, I posted this doodle to Instagram. I was stressing about finals, only they had nothing on the finals I am faced with today. I made it. I got through my 4th semester of college, and I will get through my 6th, . (OH MY GOODNESS I AM FINISHING MY 6TH SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!)

I’ve seen Him move mountains so much bigger than a few research papers, and I’ll see Him do it again. 

One of the greatest joys we are given as followers of Jesus is knowing how the story ends. We don’t have to sit and hope that God comes through. HE ALREADY DID. 

It’s so easy to get caught up in the obstacle in front of us. But don’t you know that the ultimate battle has already been won? We don’t have to worry about tomorrow, because our Lord holds tomorrow in the palms of His hands. 

Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ 

If it’s in His plans, it has to happen. There is no point in stressing over something that is ultimately out of our hands. Now, I’m not saying to He’s gonna do it all for you. No, WRITE YOUR PAPER. But know that you will get through it. God’s equipped you to handle whatever has been thrown at you.

So as many of us enter into the crazy of final exams and projects, know that God’s got you. And at the end of the day, Jesus is eternal, research papers are not.

The Face You Don’t See on Social Media

April 20, 2018

Earlier this week, I attended YoungLife club at UTSA for the first time in several months. I was feeling all the feels on my way there. YL so strongly shaped college for me, but life has sort of taken me elsewhere. I walked in, and was greeted by hugs and smiling faces. Then one of the leader’s spotted me, gave me a hug, and said “Destinee, the face I only get to see on social media these days.” What was that supposed to mean? What he meant was, I’d been gone for so long, and he only heard from me via Facebook or Instagram. What I got out of it was, “Destinee, you only show the good parts.”

If you scrolled through my Instagram, the feed is fairly positive. I don’t post as much, but I share cool highlights of my life. Like climbing Enchanted Rock with my friends last week, or the time my church kiddos made me cry during worship. I share the good moments. But that’s what we should do right? I mean, I really don’t want too see someone crying about her ex-boyfriend of 4 hours while scrolling through my newsfeed. But thats just me. I feel like social media should be fun and happy. But I also feel like it should be real.

We live in an age where so much of our communication and interaction with each other happens behind a screen. It is easier than ever to stay up to date with friends near and far. We can see what they’re up to, what they’re doing, and who they are with. We get a glimpse into their lives without even having to leave our couch. BUT, we only see the good parts.

Life is hard, and messy. Life as college student trying to keep it all together is literal chaos. I am tired, stressed, and completely overwhelmed. I’ve got way more than I can carry on my plate, and I am slowly falling apart. But most people don’t see that. They see the college girl who’s hard at work. She’s balancing work, school, and ministry, and is really making a difference. She just visited Enchanted Rock with her friends, so she must have free time. Oh, and she’s so involved in her church, so her spiritual life must be flourishing.


I spent half of our hike at Enchanted Rock forcing myself not to think or talk about all the things I had going on. I SO needed that day with friends, because I really was falling apart, but that fun did not come without a cost. 

I absolutely love my church, and every single human there, but ministry is hard. We are church plant under 2 years old, and it is HARD. People aren’t always the nicest, and kids can be, well kids. I find myself forgetting about my “why” all the time. After all, laying down foam flooring at 7am, isn’t all that spiritual. Now, don’t get me wrong, I GET to do all of this, and it has the most beautiful form of purpose in my life. But it is still work, and I still get tired.

It is so important for us to be real. With ourselves, and the people closest to us. This is why we NEED community. This past week, I’ve connected with so many friends I’ve left behind because of my own busyness, and oh my goodness I am so filled! I forgot what it was like to to life with people. The hustle and bustle took over, and my relationship with people and Jesus began to suffer. 

Let’s be honest with ourselves. We are not perfect, and no filter can change that. It is okay to let your walls down, and be real with the people we love, and more importantly, with ourselves. YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER. You never will anyway. So, embrace that. Share your struggles, and link up with people who are in the same boat. 

I love how in the bible, there are many times that Jesus encounters a person smack in the middle of their mess. Take for instance, the woman caught in adultery. She was caught IN THE ACT. The pharisees who brought her to Jesus, brought her in the hopes of making themselves look better. They thought “If I call her out on hers, it’ll take the attention off of mine.” NEWS FLASH, He knows it all! They tried so hard to bring this woman down, but instead, were forced to take off their own masks. Jesus tells the men, “whoever has no sin, you be the first to throw a stone.” (John 8:1-11)  I love Jesus. He’s so funny. But He’s so real. He calls us out on our bluff, so He can call us out of it. 

We get so caught up in painting this pretty little picture of ourselves for others to see, that we lose sight of the One whose thoughts about us count. Jesus loves you exactly where you are. He died for the realest, rawest, filterless form of you. He wants a relationship with YOU, not the person you THINK He wants you to be.

I want to challenge you (and me) to peel off the mask. Let them see you, and Jesus working in you.

Love always,

Destinee Nicole

When Life Gets Messy

April 12, 2018

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I work as a nanny. My precious little is 15 months, and is growing more and more everyday. It has been the most amazing thing to see him go from a tiny newborn, to a walking, talking ball of energy. He is so stinking cute, and so stinking funny, but SO stinking stubborn. For the past few weeks, we have been struggling with eating. He just decided that he doesn’t want to eat anymore, and it takes nearly an hour for us to get some bites.

A couple days ago, his mom dropped some news on me that literally made my heart drop. “The pediatrician said to go ahead and start introducing the fork and spoon." WHAT? My boy has not even gotten this eating with your hands thing down. We are going to introduce potential weapons?!?! Anxiety instantly poured over my body, and I began dreading our next meal time. We had already had breakfast, so lunch would be the time that all hell broke loose!

12:30 came, and it was time for my little guy to experience a whole new level of independence. Sweet potato and avocado. Did we really have to start this today? I rolled up his sleeves, broke out the silicone bib (you know the one with a food catcher), and had the wipes on deck. Lets do this.

We started off pretty smooth. He enjoyed the idea of putting the spoon in his avocado, and was surpassingly distracted enough to let me feed him the entire bowl using my own spoon. Alright, this wasn't too bad.Then came the sweet potato. By this time, he was starting to get the hang of it. He wanted real access to the bowl of an orange mess waiting to happen, and I of course gave in to his sweet face and fake cries. I placed the bowl on his high-chair, hoping the suction cup at the bottom would be strong enough to withstand his excitement. BABY. WENT. IN. The bowl never left the high-chair, but all of its contents did. There was sweet potato EVERYWHERE. It was in his hair, down his arms, and all over me. But he was eating, and eating better than he had in weeks. I guess he just had to get messy.

Sometimes, life has to get messy.

I won’t go as far as calling myself a clean freak, but I thrive off of cleanliness. I need a clean and controlled environment at all times. Anything that’s gonna cause a mess usually stresses me out, because I know I will have to clean it. Still, messes are inevitable, and being that my job literally involves working with human mess machines, I have learned to deal with it. 

Its been the same for life, except I still struggle with accepting it. When life gets messy, I go into full drama queen mode. WHY CAN’T THINGS JUST STAY UNDER CONTROL?!?! I go off into crazy rants about how my life is falling apart, and how God is just watching it happen. Only to find out, that in some way or another,  my mess ALWAYS works out for my good.

This reminds me of a very popular passage in the bible. It is the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. In the passage, Lazarus, who is the friend of Jesus, falls ill. When Jesus gets this news, instead of going to see Lazarus, he decides to stay at the place he’s at for 3 more days. Well, Lazarus dies, and Jesus states that He is glad He wasn’t there. 

“Then Jesus became explicit: “Lazarus died. And I am glad for your sakes that I wasn’t there. You’re about to be given new grounds for believing. Now let’s go to him.” | John 11:14-15

After he is long gone, Jesus finally decides to go visit his friend, and after some sass from his sister Mary along with despair from his sister Martha, Jesus ultimately raises Lazarus from the dead. But why not just heal him? Why did the family have to experience such trauma, only to have their loved one revived anyway? Because sometimes, its gotta get messy.

Do you think Mary and Martha would have believed in the power of Jesus to the same extent, had they not experienced Lazarus’ death? Not at all. Its unfortunate, but we are often times a “show me better than you can tell me” kind of people. Its not enough to hear about it, we’ve got to see it!

I have a sign in my place that reads “grow through what you go through.” I have it hanging up in the kitchen, because thats usually the messiest room in our apartment, and is always bringing out the Mary in me. 

My little can’t grow into a big boy who can feed himself (though I would much rather him stay my baby forever anyway) if he isn’t allowed to get messy. Life’s gotta get messy y’all! 

Grow through what you go through.

Get messy. Roll up your sleeves, and get your hands dirty, because that’s the only way you are going to grow. Use all the yucky parts of your life as a chance to mature, and become a better you. 

Love always, 
Destinee Nicole

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.” | James 1:2 MSG

The Truth About My Relationship With Fear

April 4, 2018

A couple of months ago, I was asked an initially very weird question by the mother of a teenager. “Do your friends call you mean names?” What? Ummm, no. She was talking about a group of friends that her daughter wanted to hangout with. They weren’t always the nicest, but for some reason, she still wanted to be in their circle. They were her friends, and they were her people.

That drive home had me all kinds of messed up. That question was burned in my head. “Do your friends call you mean names?” Destinee, why are you still thinking about this. You are not 13 anymore. You don’t have friends like that. OH YES I DO! His name is fear.

I’ve shared bits and pieces about my struggle with fear, but I’ve left out probably the most important part. The truth about my relationship with fear, is that in many ways, it is my best friend. WAS my best friend. 

Fear moved into my life when I was fairly young, and I carried it with me like a child carries their “blankie”. I learned to cling to fear, allowing it to become my constant and my normal. Eventually, it was all I knew.

You see, fear has a way of controlling you. It seeps into your mind, whispering the most sincere sounding lies into your ear. It shows up in every aspect of your life, and distorts your discernment. Everything was scary. Everything was bad.

I was afraid of not being afraid.

How crazy does that sound?!?! But, it is the only way I can describe the irrational relationship I had with fear. This thing held me captive for so long. To me its lies rang truer than true. I was in too deep. Fear had me, and I accepted that. I allowed it mold and shape me. I gave it complete control over everything that I did. If fear told me not to do it, I wasn’t doing it.  Because thats what friends are for right? They tell what you should and should not do. They walk with you through the toughest seasons of life. And they are always there. FEAR WAS ALWAYS THERE.

You know that saying “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”? Yeah I’m starting to feel like  that is some of the dumbest advice around. What good is it to keep negative around?  Really, how beneficial was it for me to hang tight to Fear?

The moment I realized this, I knew I had to kick fear out. I knew it was time that I look fear in the eye, grab it by the throat, and throw it out of the out of the space he uninvitedly settled in my heart.

I am grateful for that day, and that random question. Fear and I are no longer doing life together, but fear is still very present in my life. Its lies are continuously whispering over me, except this time, truth belts back. I may have fear, but fear doesn’t have me.

This journey is far from over, but I am closer than I’ve ever been before. I still feel fear constantly, but it no longer has a grip on me. I’m calling the shots this time. And when fear decides he wants to square up, he can take that up with my friend Jesus.

I want to challenge you today, to take a look at your life. What currently has a grip on your life? Are you allowing it to? And if so, when are you gonna break it off?

Love Always,

Destinee Nicole

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